May 21st, 2013. Well there I was. Large and in charge... and 1 week overdue. I had been at a 1 and about 95% effaced for 5 weeks and that's as good as it was getting. My OB (who, by the way, is FANTASTIC), was humming and hawing and trying to tell stubborn ol' me that he wasn't sure if we would see much more progress. I had been trying EVERYTHING. I cannot even tell you how many miles I had walked, stairs I climbed, midnight tangos we had *ahem* danced... etc!! Nothing was working, and this little kid of mine was holdin' on for dear warm-womby life in there!!
So the time came. Dr said I needed a kick start. I said "no way, José! I want to do this on my own. No meds." (Well maybe I didn't say it like that, but he got on the same page pretty fast). So we discussed ways that we can help start the labor without using pitocin. Stripping membranes wasn't an option, because I had tested positive as a carrier for Group B Strep. So he suggested cytotec. I had heard not great things about this drug on some crunchy granola birth things I read/watched, but all were about using cytotec to induce labor when the woman wasn't dilated or effaced. I was ready to go, I just needed a little boost into labor. Matt and I prayed about it, and felt like we should really trust our doctor. I chose him because he has a reputation of less intervention and of being pro-unmedicated birth. This was important to me. So he called the hospital to see when they could have me come in. He said that they were just going to give me a little bit (25 mgs) of cytotec and then I was to walk and walk and walk the hallways. He was pretty confident that I would start dilating and that my own oxytocin would kick in and and start those contractions up in a big way!
We checked in to the hospital at 8:30pm.
My nurse was giving me the cytotec around 9:30 and said "if your contractions haven't started in 4 hours, we'll give you another. We'll wait another 4 hours after that before we start the pitocin. You'll need to be monitored the entire time" I was very confused and upset. I told her that my doctor had very clearly told me that he wanted me to walk the hallways while I waited for my contractions to start on their own. She didn't believe me. She said that that's not how it usually works, but I kindly said that she could certainly call him to check. She did. And I was right. So she set me up for intermittent monitoring and I was allowed to walk for 40 minutes and be monitored for 20 of each hour. It worked like a charm! I was starting to get some pretty regular contractions by midnight, and was in pretty much full-blown labor by 1 or 2 am.
I labored in the hall. I labored on a ball. I labored in chair. I labored everywhere.
But seriously. Sitting, standing, rocking, squatting, I was ready for that baby to come out. I labored in the tub for awhile, until I threw up and was starting to go a little crazy-woman on everyone. At 5 am, My nurse checked and said I was 5cm dilated and that my water hadn't broken yet, but seemed like it was about to. Then she did something very terrible. She told me that after you get to a 5, you can expect about 1 hour per centimeter after that, sometimes a little longer if it's your first. No big deal, I was in terrible pain and had 5 more hours to look forward to! AND I knew that it gets worse after your water breaks, which hadn't happened yet. Needless to say, I was about ready to wuss out.
I had to go potty. I had been drinking water like it was going out of style, and my bladder was feeling a little neglected. I also felt like I should push. My nurse was yelling at me from the other room "don't you do it! Don't bear down!!" so I tried not to... anyways. This is an important part of the story. You'll see why soon.
I was watching the clock like crazy because of this arbitrary timeline that was so insensitively given... I kept thinking, during each contraction, "as soon as I can talk again, I'm going to ask for The Juice. I need it. Real bad." But then the contraction would be over and I would regain some strength and breath and be semi-ready to do it again. Matt was there by my side the entire time. He was perfect. He is everything I could've asked for in a birth partner. I love him!
6am rolled around I got a new nurse! Hooray for shift changes! (I should note that my first nurse wasn't bad or mean or anything like that... we just never clicked). My new nurse was an angel that floated in and said just the right things to caress my ego and empower my waning confidence.
But then I hit my breaking point. I told my new nurse that if I was still only a 5 or 6 (which is what I would be according to said arbitrary timeline), then I didn't know if I could do it. She said she would check, and LO AND BEHOLD!!! I was at a NINE. And my water had already broken. Side Note: Remember that one time I told you about, when I had to go potty? Well that wasn't what happened. That was my body telling me to give a little push to break my water. I thought I had tinkled... nope. My water had broken. I exclaimed "I knew that hurt!!" I had gone from a 5 to a 9 in an hour and a half. She rushed off to call my Dr (who, apparently said "are you kidding me!? He was expecting a 10am birth). He got there by 7 and I was pushing by 7:15am.
Pushing: This was hard. It was very hard. The only thing that kept me going is some thought that had popped into my head during transition that my little guy had lots of dark hair. I just knew he did. And I wanted to meet him and kiss his head full of hair. And when they could see the head, they told me I was right. And I could hold him soon. So I pushed and pushed.
After pushing for about 40 minutes, I had a son. Jude Malcolm Merrill was born at 7:55am, weighed 7lbs 5.5 oz, and measured at 21" long. I got to hold and kiss him for a minute, but then they whisked him away to the NICU to give him some help with his breathing. He had aspirated some amniotic fluid/meconium. I am SO GLAD we delivered at Kadlec, where they have an excellent NICU on site. More on this in a future post.
So all in all, I was in what I like to call "hard-core" labor for 5 hours, and then had another 40-50 minutes of pushing. And then it was over. And now I'm a mom.
Some people will read this and ask why I decided to go through it all without pain medication. All of my research about the benefits of a natural labor aside, I will tell you why I made this decision on a personal level, and why I'm so glad I did. I feel infinitely more empowered and confident in my body. I loved the opportunity I had to feel the entire process of bringing my sweet boy into this world. It made me appreciate the blessing of being his mother, and I would do it over and over again just to have another day with Jude.
Here is a link to our birth story through photos. Aly Willis Photography was there through the whole thing. Having a birth photographer there was an AWESOME decision, and I will have one at all of my births.
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